Monday, March 12, 2007

My Glorious Weekend

Okay, so posts have been coming less and less frequently lately and I've been visiting and/or commenting on your blogs less frequently, too, but I wanted to say that it's not that I've lost interest in you all... I miss visiting your blogs terribly, really I do! Things around here have been sort of crazy, so I haven't been getting on the computer much at all these days. (It's even gotten to the point where I've been hiding from my primary e-mail account with its 200+ unread messages that I have to deal with. Ugh.) I've been trying to catch up with reading your blogs when I can, but I'm so very far behind. And I haven't been posting much at all, nothing that takes any real thought, at least.

So, what's been keeping me busy, you ask? Oh, not much... just getting a jump on having a mid-life crisis. For those of my readers who are older, you may say that I'm being stupid, but, hey, it's my head problem to deal with. It's not fair how men are thought of as "wise" and "experienced" as they get older and women are thought of as past their "use by" dates. Or even worse... not thought of at all. And I'm having some temperature adjustment problems making the transition from being thought of as "hot" to being thought of as merely "cool" (not my words, someone else's). It sucks. And to make matters worse, I'm really starting to hate the phrase "for your age"... the next person who says that to me is going to get poked in the eye.

Mostly, I've been pretty pissed about it all, but I've been trying to deal with it constructively. On Friday, I spent the day plugged into my iPod, blasting the age inappropriate music that I love so much and ripping through the house like a tornado, sorting and throwing stuff out (recycling what I could, of course). When I finally became bored with the brand new mess that I had made, I spent three hours of quality time with the chainsaw taking apart the big logs and stumps that were left over from last weekend, only stopping when it finally became dark. On Friday night, I actually went to bed early for a change.

On Saturday, I went to my stylist (I adore that man and have been seeing him for over ten years now) and I came out freshly cut, colored, styled and looking fabulous as only he can make me. Still, things weren't quite right. My husband, very mindful of my state of mind these days, sent me out that afternoon to get myself some clothes for spring before they all disappear, y'know, it still being winter and the summer clothes are just about on the racks by now. I just couldn't get into it because the clothes out there seem to be either too old for me or too young. Still, I was able to get some nice things (among other things, a nicely fitting, hot pink, cashmere, cropped-cardigan sweater with elbow length sleeves... it just begs to be touched.)

While I was still out trying on clothes, my husband called and said that I should take myself out to dinner and a movie. It's not my first choice to do these things alone, but I took him up on the offer. The wait for a table at my chosen restaurant was over an hour, so I left the restaurant and had an oh-so-sumptuous culinary experience in the sophisticated ambience of... the mall food court. It was quick. It was cheap. It was mall food. But it would get me to the movies sooner, right? That's how I rationalized my disappointing meal. I got to the movies and the only thing that wasn't sold out at that late time was "Music and Lyrics," the romantic comedy with Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant. Given my age-related, gender inequity mindstate at the time, was I enough of a masochist to watch a movie that glorifies a romantic relationship between a 46 year old man and a 32 year old woman? What, are you crazy?! No. Thank. You. That movie would never sell with the genders reversed and I just wasn't in the right frame of mind for that.

Dammit. The bookstore was all that was left at that point, so off to Barnes and Noble I went. Not that I minded. I absolutely love books to the point of it nearly being a fetish. While browsing, I picked through all sorts of very useful books, most notably a couple of books on such subjects as how I'm supposed to dress for middle age (egads, I'm not wearing that, EVER.) and another one with some new and interesting techniques for giving mind-blowing hand jobs. As interesting as the latter book was, I settled on buying a sequel to a memoir that I had been waiting for in paperback. The bookstore finally closed and, not feeling like going home, I decided to go to one of the local eating establishments that had a bar to have a drink. Again, not my first choice of things to do alone, but I had nobody to go with and thought that it would be a nice change of pace regardless of that fact.

But maybe this wasn't such a good thing for my ego, either, it turned out. I found one single bar stool and asked the young guy sitting on the next stool if anybody was sitting there. Judging by the disgusted look on his face, if there had been a thought bubble over his head it probably would have read, "Is this dried up old cooch hitting on me?!" Whatever. I ordered a beer and the bartender carded me because they card everyone (literally) to be on the safe side. He handed me back my ID and said, "Huh, you're doing pretty well." It's a good thing that he didn't add "for your age" or I would have had to reach over the bar and poke him in the eye. That would have greatly affected my service and I wouldn't want that.

After getting my beer, I got out my memoir and started reading until I was interrupted by a 50-something year old guy asking me about my book. He then started going on a bit about how everybody in the bar was so young and how the suburbs were really bad for finding places to drink. After some more general conversation, he finally left to go home and I went back to my book for a long while, completely and unfortunately undisturbed while finishing my beer and a large water before leaving to drive home. Oh, well.

Maybe I would have actually had more people talk to me if I had been reading the book about hand jobs instead. Maybe next time. I went back the next day and bought it.

36 comments:

  1. I'm actually waiting for the hand job movie to come out.

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  2. furious-

    What there isn't one out there already? I'm sure that you're just not looking hard enough. ;)

    -velvet

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  3. I would have kept reading but i got "hung up" on the parenteticals at the end of paragraph four.

    I'm sure the rest of your post will be interesting. Once I read on I will try to comment on that portion.

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  4. Chris-

    Like cashmere, do you?

    I thought that the real stumbling block for guys would have been paragraph six. ;)

    -velvet

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  5. "Dried up cooch hitting on me"

    Rarely do I acutally LOL at a blog posting...but you got me to really do it this time. ;)

    Steve~

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  6. Steve-

    Wow, that's quite an honor! Now my life is complete. ;)

    -velvet

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  7. I'm still stuck on 4. I'll let you know when I get to 6.

    Chris.

    P.S. The answer to your question??? Uh huh.

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  8. Chris-

    I'll have to agree with you... words don't do cashmere justice. ;)

    -velvet

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  9. Oh man, it sucks getting old. I turned 50 this year...and I've heard that 'for a guy your age' just one time too many. So you have my compassion. But I would never say 'for your age' to you! :)

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  10. As one of your older readers, let me say there is nothing stupid about what you're going through. Most of us will and the odds are in favor of things sorting themselves out. I'm on my 2nd mid-life crisis so I feel your pain.

    Since you love books, try this one: Awakening At Midlife by Kathleen Brehony.

    About that cashmere sweater ... PLEASE get someone to photograph you head to toe, wearing it. Then post the whole picture. :)

    From the pictures you have shown us, I'd say you're hot and age has nothing to do with it.

    Now about that other book you mentioned .....

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  11. Okay, Blog Pal Velvet, I turn 40 in two weeks. I will need your blog to get me through, so keep throwing this stuff out there.

    Your meandering evening must have been some kind of balm, if not the perfect salve.

    Btw, good job making Steven N. laugh! It was the word "cooch," you know.

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  12. Being madly domestic with loud, ïnappropriate" music - superb
    Using power tools to make things smaller - fantastic therapy
    Hot pink cashmere - mmm, bright and tactile!!
    Making me snort vodka out of my nose at the last sentence - evil (yes, I missed the laptop!)
    A long post from you - ÿippee!!
    pidhzwa being my word verification - I'm not sure if it is a martial arts term or a curse -you choose :)

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  13. em-

    Yes, aging does suck. To me, is seems that those kind of comments usually come from people who are younger. I'm sure you would never use those words because you know how irritating they are. That's what makes you wonderful. :)

    And thank you for the compassion! It's just the kind of support I need to see me through this. ;)

    -velvet

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  14. mist-

    I knew the writing style seemed awfully familiar! Thanks for the tips... they're wonderful so far. ;)

    -velvet

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  15. bernie-

    You mean this can happen more than ONCE?!? I'm DOOMED!!! ;)

    But seriously, thank you for the kind words and I hope that you make your second "life adjustment" with no major trauma. Your words of support are very helpful. And I'll have to look up that book.

    I'll think about the sweater shot. As for the photos, well, there's something that I learned about photography that can be twisted to fit here as well: if you want people to think you're hot, only show them the pictures where you look it. ;)

    -velvet

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  16. jocelyn-

    After this past weekend, I was thinking of starting another blog devoted just to watching me wail and flail through all this. LOL! I'll keep you posted.

    As for your impending 40th birthday, well, Happy Birthday in advance, Woman! You can do it!!! Hang in there!!!! (If anyone can get through this with a great sense of humor, it's you... you're a funny, funny woman!) If you want to bitch/moan/boo-hoo about it at all, my e-mail box is always open. Seriously. :)

    As for my day out, the day was pretty good, but didn't quite do it. I'm going out this Friday with Sasha while hubby stays home with the kids. It'll be nice to have company this time.

    And if anyone can appreciate the word "cooch", it's Steve. ;)

    -velvet

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  17. thisisme-

    Being madly domestic with loud, "inappropriate" music - Music, bitchiness, and cleaning go so well together.

    Using power tools to make things smaller - nothing says empowerment like a chainsaw! ;)

    Hot pink cashmere - mmm, bright and tactile!! You said it!

    Making me snort vodka out of my nose at the last sentence - Oops!! Sorry! But now that you mention it, ooh, vodka, though not as a sinus treatment.

    A long post from you - ÿippee!! A fun comment from you... yippee, too!!

    pidhzwa being my word verification - I'm not sure if it is a martial arts term or a curse -you choose :) Given the nature of this post, most definitely a curse! That, or a dish that you can only get down in Chinatown. ;)

    -velvet

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  18. Hey Vel - Tell "K" hi the next time you go in for a cut and primp! I miss him... he is the best stylist on the east coast!

    And you are so much more than the "hot" and "cool" person everyone sees... such a great onion! So many awesome layers to get to know and love.

    -lama

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  19. I live by myself and sometimes I would love to go have a drink by myself at a bar but I'm too scared... Maybe I should bring a book to keep me company. :)

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  20. Hol-

    Hey, Chica! I'll definitely pass the hello on to him when I see him next and, yes, he is pretty darn awesome! :)

    Wow, I've never been described as an onion before... LOL! I suppose that we all are in a way. You have those layers to know and love, too. ;)

    -velvet

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  21. erica-

    I always used to go to bars by myself and I made lots of friends that way. Of course, you have to keep going to the same bar for a while before it kicks in.

    The book thing is actually pretty good because it gives people an easy way to approach without having to formulate an awkward pick-up line. I mean, how hard is "What are you reading?" to come up with?

    Just make sure to sit at the bar and, of course, the kind of book that you bring speaks volumes... there you can be creative. ;)

    -velvet

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  22. Oh, I can so relate to this post. Do you want to post your age. As soon as middle age women hit a certain age, they become invisible. So much agism to deal with in society. And men really do look more distingished with the grey hair coming in.
    I can really be my own worst enemy when it comes to this topic.

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  23. tkk-

    It's sooooo true! And I don't do invisible very well.

    As I was mentioning to jocelyn, after this weekend I was considering starting a new blog about this. I'll keep you posted if I go through with it. ;)

    -velvet

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  24. Everyone knows that women who are past their 20's and even 30's are the absolute cream of the crop. Maybe that's just me. If I were single again, I'd definitely date women in that age bracket, provided they'd date me. :)

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  25. You write so beautifully my sweet friend. This post is filled with so many feelings I lost count.

    When you say "That movie would never sell with the genders reversed and I just wasn't in the right frame of mind for that" I would agree ... but then I'd say in REAL life this isn't always the case. Look at Demi Moore and her boyfriend (husband?) who is young enough to be her son. It happens.

    Age is a state of mind, isn't it? Never lose the kid in you. I know you won't.

    Oh ... and can I borrow that book (er ... the second one you bought). :)

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  26. s-b-w--

    That's awesome! Personally, I'd like to think that older women know things that younger women haven't even begun to understand and they really know who they are by that point.

    I'm sure that someone would have been wise enough to have dated you. That cradle wouldn't be robbed, it would be rocked. ;)

    -velvet

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  27. Dan-

    As always, that's really sweet of you. You're a real sweetheart!

    Yes, it happens sometimes like with Demi and Ashton and their 15 year age difference, but it's so rare that it was a major media event. It's still the first thing that anyone thinks of when they're mentioned.

    Funny, though, you don't seem to hear much about Harrison Ford and Calista Flockharts 22 year age difference or Billy Joel's and his wife's 32 year age difference.

    And as for the book... you want me to share this valuable information? No way! This stuff is our Kryptonite! ;)

    -velvet

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  28. Hi Velvet Girl! Two things:
    1) There will always be people out there who view you as a "sweet young thing." That always makes me laugh, but it's true.
    2) A book recommendation: Tickle His Pickle. It's sure to raise some eyebrows the next time you're at the bar, even among the younger crowd :)

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  29. just to make you feel better
    Im naked
    this is what middle age naked looks like
    fuck it
    Im still alive!

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  30. tammie jean-

    Hey and thanks for stopping by!

    1) LOL That's so true or at least it will be until I'm about 95.

    and

    2) Ooh, I haven't heard of that title... time to do a little research! ;)

    -velvet

    Stopped by your blog btw... I'll surely be back. :)

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  31. tkk-

    Absolutely hot! Despite what skewed impressions we might have from the media, this is what it does look like, women and men alike. :)

    -velvet

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  32. Come have a look at the dove girls,what do you think?
    feel better about your middle age now?

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  33. tkk-

    Funny that, I just came from there! And yes, I do feel better. Thanks for the timely perspective. ;)

    -velvet

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  34. You might be on to something there. I will not be surprised to find plenty of people using the hand job book theory at various establishments worldwide.

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  35. jay-

    Y'know, I don't know why I never thought of it when I was single. ;)

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