Monday, November 20, 2006

What's a Girl to Say?

"Mommy, what's bondage?" My six year old son asked me this question the other day.

Excuse me?

I'll have to say that kids have a way of catching you off guard. When my son was first learning his letters a few years ago, he was writing random combinations of vowels and consonants and one day he wrote the letters A-S-S... in chalk... on the driveway.

"Mommy, does this spell something?" he called across the yard. I walked over to check it out.

"Um, yes, it does. It says 'ass', which can mean either 'a donkey' or 'someone's backside', though the word 'ass' meaning 'backside' is considered bad manners to use around adults when you're a child." He thought about this for a second.

"Oh, okay, then I guess that we better say that it means donkey." Good idea, kid, but we'd better hose it off the driveway anyway. Honestly, though, I secretly think it's pretty hysterical that my son's first real written word accidentally turned out to be "ass." Still, I'm not telling the in-laws about that one.

And then there was the day when he and his brother were playing right after Christmas last year and I heard him emphatically say,

"Look at Santa's SACK!! Santa's SACK'S so BIG tonight!!!" (Gee, son, I hadn't noticed, I was looking at his face.) My son took offense to the fact that I was laughing so hard at him for seemingly no reason. Maybe it wasn't funny. Maybe I was just really tired and delirious. Either way, tough titty toenails, kid. You caught me off guard.

So, what's bondage, eh? I always answer my son's questions as truthfully as possible, but I felt that I needed more information.

"In what context?" I asked.

"In the Wizard of Oz pop-up book, it says that the house landed on the Wicked Witch of the East and released the Munchkins from bondage." Ohhhh, well... that one's simple.

"It means that they were slaves and had to do whatever she told them." He looked satisfied with the answer.

Whew. I'd hate to think that he was going to ask for a pair of handcuffs for Christmas.


  1. That's hysterical. I would have said the wrong thing. I always do.

  2. mist1-

    I'm that way, too. I had to ask for clarification because I didn't think he was quite ready for BDSM 101. Maybe when he's seven. ;)

    Thanks for stopping by.

  3. Warn me before you post things like that - I hurt from laughing!!!

  4. Kinda reminds me of the time when I was a kid and I asked my Mom, "Mom, what does fucking mean?" To this day, I remember the look of utter horror on her face. I think I was eight at the time.

  5. thisisme-

    I wish that I had fair warning for this stuff when it comes my way, too. Alas, I'm always broadsided.

    Glad that you enjoyed it. :)

  6. should-be-working-

    I'll bet that the look on her face was priceless. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall to see how your mother handled that one. lol


  7. Ooohhhhh...yaaaaa...that's a hard one to answer...

    As far as your earlier comment about wairing till he's seven goes...

    I'd wait till least that's what Dr. Phil suggests, and we all know that you have to listen to Dr. Phil. ;)


  8. Steve-

    Gee, must have missed that show (well, like, all of them). They're going to blame me for all their problems anyway... why not get them started as soon as possible. ;)

    Thanks for stopping by.

  9. I loved this post! I agree that 6 is a little young for S&M. Unless he gets to wield the whip.

  10. heartinsanfrancisco-

    I was sorting through a box from the basement last week and found a whip (no comment) and he seemed eager to see it demonstrated. I think that I'm going to have to keep an eye on this one. ;)

    Thanks for stopping by!